A Wild Speculation has Appeared: Nintendo E3 Reveals and Announcements

Nintendo E3

With only a few days before E3 the internet hype machine is already pumping out lots of rumors and speculation. Will there be slimmer models of XBONE and PS4? Will Microsoft release it’s own portable system? Will SONY release a game that actually uses the touch pad on the PS4? Except, instead of those two we are here to focus on ol’ Grandad Nintendo and their Digital Press Event. I won’t be covering Smash predictions since I think the internet has already had it’s fair share of top 10 lists and predictions. Here are my wildest speculations on what Nintendo has in store for the next year.

DS Player

DS Player attachment for the WiiU

From the Super Gameboy to the Gameboy Player, Nintendo likes having it’s portable games on the big screen. I thought this was an obvious choice given the two screen display of the WiiU. The DS Player, as it will be known, will play DS games, DSi games and maybe some of those rare DSi-ware games that never really caught on.  I can imagine the Trauma Centre series being an obvious choice from the library of DS games Nintendo would likely to draw from. Having the tablet be the bottom screen showing the patient’s body, and the top screen showing the vitals and time limit on the TV is a match made in heaven.

WiiU Vitality Sensor

WiiU Vitality

Hey remember that horrible Wii Vitality sensor that Nintendo rolled out a few years back and was shunned immediately? Well they haven’t quite shelved it despite the alleged cancellation. Instead they were waiting for the second piece of hardware to be developed for it, the WiiU. A weird multiplayer type game where the tablet holder monitors the heart rate of the players and chooses opportune times to scare them, thus having a directorial effect in controlling how the game is played. Apart from that, Nintendo will also market it as a WiiFit add on and then shelve it since no 3rd party would probably want to use it, except for Suda51.

Mario Paint

Mario Paint U

Aside from being a Princess saver, Mario is primarily a Plumber. But during the economic downturn in the Mushroom Kingdom he had to take up other blue collar jobs to get by. One of them was painting. A modern reboot of the retro Mario Paint for the Super Nintendo, Mario Paint U not only paints you, but also includes fun colouring in exercises, classic music composer, and robust animation studio. The WiiU tablet can be used as a glorified Wacom Tablet so I would like to see artists use it as such. Maybe Gabe can do a whole strip on the WiiU then post it onto the Miiverse.

Mario Barista

Mario Barista (Project Cafe)

Why else would they code name it project Cafe? Mario serving coffee to the denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom in E Gadd’s ever expanding Starbeans Cafe. The game focuses on the joys of capitalism and over priced novelty caffeinated beverages. Expand your empire from the small town of Seattle Mushroom towards neighbouring kingdoms like Beanbean, Sarasaland and Yoshi’s Island. Your Mii can even get involved during the campaign mode as you work from being a lowly barista to CEO of the Miiverse branch of Starbeans Cafe.

Wii University

The Actual Wii University

That was the first thing that crossed my mind when I heard WiiU. An actual University dedicated to the Nintendo Universe via the WiiU. You won’t actually get a degree in liberal arts or humanities. Instead you’ll be chumming with other Miis and Nintendo guest stars in the prestigious WiiU, take lectures from Reggie, be part of fraternities like Epona Epsilon Epsilon and avoid getting caught the crusty dean Miyamoto. It’s similar to the weird Tomodachi life released recently, but this will allow same sex couplings in lieu of those weird sexually experimental stages experienced in College.

Wii U Mini

WiiU Mini (only for Canadians, and then eventually world wide)

Because only small awesome things like Ellen Page deserve to be in Canada initially.

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